I’ve taken an unintentional hiatus from writing the last few weeks. I have no good excuses, other than I was out of town for a couple days and also have been dealing with pretty bad headaches. When I get those I basically only feel like gouging my eyes out, so writing isn’t an option. I feel like I’m on the upswing again so I can start to get back to my normal self.
It’s also just been a weird couple of weeks. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, which never really turns out to be a good thing. A lot has happened that’s got me thinking about my life and how I want it to be. Sigh.
Anyway, continuing on with my 40 Deep Questions…
6. What was the best phase of your life?
This is a really tough one for me. In many ways, I feel like I’m in the best phase of my life now. I love my job, I’m finally done with school, I’m taking steps to work towards the future I want. On the flip side of that, there are many things I’m struggling with right now. Probably one of the times I remember being the happiest was when I was finishing up grad school (the first time) and then the year I lived at home. I really enjoyed my job, even though it made me 100% I needed to return to grad school to pursue School Counseling licensure, I loved being able to see family every day, see my niece grow up, be there when my nephew was born, and build so many memories during that time. It wasn’t all good times though. There was sadness, anxiety, hurt, worry, fear, so many things. So it’s really hard to identify one specific “best phase” of my life, because there have been so many highlights, but each highlight also has some shadows. Maybe that means the best is yet to come?
4. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
If you knew me when I was younger, you might be surprised that I consider myself an introvert. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with my friends and having a good time, but I just need quiet or alone time in order to recharge. It stresses me out to be busy or out late on weeknights and when I get really stressed I need to just be by myself. Even now sometimes when I am out with my friends, I can be quiet and reserved. It doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood or I’m not having fun, it’s just how I am.
I used to think about this a lot when I wasn’t really going to church at all. I don’t believe people need to go to church to have a relationship with God — a person can be spiritual without being religious. In that sense there were several years when I considered myself to be more spiritual. I still felt like God has a presence in my life, I prayed, and I always believed that God had a purpose for me. But the last few years I’ve started to see myself as more of a religious person. Going to church and meeting with other people who share the same views has been much more beneficial than trying to go it on my own. I struggled with finding a church home that would accept my liberal views, and that is important to me. Despite that, I still feel that my beliefs are important and valid and accepted in the ways it really matters.
Continuing on with the “40 Deep Questions to Ask if You Really Want to Get to Know Someone” from Thought Catalog.
#2 – What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?
If I could change anything about myself, I’d want to be more assertive. It’s something I’ve tried to work on for several years but don’t ever seem to get any better at. I often times keep things in my head that I wish I would just say, I say yes when I really want to say no, and sometimes I’m a bit of a pushover. I’ve always been a people pleaser, but sometime in the last 10ish years I’ve become more introverted, reserved, and less assertive. It’s something I’ll continue to work on and hopefully one day I’ll get better.
I’ve decided to abandon the writing prompt I was using. I got bored with it and it feels like things I’ve done before. The whole idea behind this blog was not only to have a place to express my feelings, which I’ve always done so much better in writing, but also a place to cultivate my creativity. I might not be creative in many other ways, but writing has always been an outlet for me. When my stupid voice won’t say what I want it to say, my writing always could. Last weekend I stumbled upon a letter I’d written several years ago when I felt like I was really at my peak trying to be creative. I was doing a lot of writing and photography then, and I’m sad I’ve gone away from that. The sources that pushed me to explore that part of myself are no longer present in my life, so I sort of lost that part of me, but I have since been energized to try again.
Since most of the ramblings that come into my head are probably things that no one wants to hear, I’m going off another list, but this is one that will take me deeper. I found it on Thought Catalog and thought it might be worth a shot. It is titled “40 Deep Questions to Ask if You Really Want to Get to Know Someone.” So after all this, I should not only know myself better, but so should everyone who reads this silly thing.
What’s your philosophy in life?
I wasn’t quite sure how to go about answering this question, which isn’t a good sign since it’s the first one. I thought it might just be easier to say some things I believe. I believe that things happen for reason, even if it takes years to understand that reason, or it’s not the reason you want. Things work out the way they’re supposed to. I tend to believe that’s a God thing. Not that I have no control over what happens in my life, but the choices I make are guided and serve a purpose. I believe in helping others and being a decent human being. It’s not hard to think about others before you think about yourself. Sometimes I try harder than I should and I personally struggle because of that, but I’d still rather be that way than be an asshole all the time. I think life is better because of music, dancing, and laughter. Some of the happiest memories I have involve a jukebox, dancing, and laughing with people I care about. I am a big supporter of birthdays. I’ve always loved my birthday; it was really the only holiday I liked for a long time. It was the one day a year when I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, and I’ve had some great birthdays. Now that I’m getting older and don’t have any more milestone birthdays for awhile, I’ve gotten sort of lazy about it. But 28 is coming up soon so maybe I’ll have to do something special again. I also think that friendships are what make lives worth it. I’ve unfortunately moved really far away from my closest friends and have been a crap friend in general for awhile. So I apologize for that and want to try to be better. To my new friends – I’m so thankful for you all!
I don’t know if this qualifies as a philosophy, but I’m sticking with it. There’s so much more I would add, but my battery is going to die so I’ll call it good for now.