The other day, I was walking through a store, wasting time waiting for my laundry to be done at the laundromat. I was just minding my own business, roaming around the store, when I came to the back and things changed. The back of the store was dedicated to Christmas. Trees, decorations, toys, cards, lights, and worst of all, Christmas music. As I was wandering around, my head became filled with Christmas music, and for a second it was like everything clicked. I was lonely. In the three or so years since I’ve had a serious boyfriend, I’ve only felt lonely a few times. Mostly I was just glad to be my own person for awhile, and I still am.
I don’t know why it took hearing Christmas music while wandering around alone for me to realize it, but I feel like it’s ok to admit that I’m lonely sometimes. It’s not just missing having a man in my life either, in fact, that’s the least of it. The other night I was out for dinner with some friends, and sitting there at a table with three other women, laughing about stupid stuff made me really miss my friends. It seems like it’s been forever since a big group of us were all together. I’m happy with my life here, but sometimes I wish we were all back living in the same city, free to get together whenever we wanted.
The music and my thoughts really started to get to me, so I had to get out of that situation. I went to get my laundry, and just as I was really feeling down, my phone rings and it’s one of my girlfriends. I took that as a sign that even though I’m lonely sometimes, my friends and I aren’t really all that far apart. I’ve always felt blessed for the amazing people in my life, and I know that having distance between us doesn’t change that.
I don’t want to seem like I’m not happy with my life here, because I really am. It took me awhile to realize this was the right place for me – but I think it really is. That said, I still miss the days when I could call one of my girlfriends after a long day and go for a beer at Brothers. Or go for a float down the Chippewa whenever we felt like it. Or go downtown to Acoustic and vent about our frustrations. Or dance it out a Shenans.