monday lessons

Here’s what I learned today: Three years ago, I lost the best guy I’ll ever have, who was about to propose to me, because I was/am such a home wrecking, cheating, whore and just an overall shitty person. Really? Really? First, it was three years ago. Get. Over. It. Second, I never cheated. Despite the overwhelming, undeniable conviction he has that I did. Third, getting proposed to would have been the stupidest thing ever. And probably the one thing that would have made me instantly make the decision I had been stewing over for 2 years, to end it. I sometimes make the comment that my life is a joke, but honestly, it is. You could not make up the stuff that keeps happening. A couple years ago, karma was teaching me a lesson and making me horrible at darts for making a bad decision. I understood that. What I don’t understand is what I’m being punished for now. Basically all I can do is just laugh. Although I don’t like being bitched at all morning by a dumbass I would prefer I never talk to/see again, it is sort of funny. Towards the end of the relationship, we’d have fights, generally revolving around the fact that he was convinced I was cheating on him (when I wasn’t), and then he’d go into a rant about how I was such a slut and that this person I was supposedly cheating with would never actually want me. Usually this involved “fuck” being used every other word. Early on, I’d just cry and apologize for whatever it was I was supposed to be sorry for. Then after awhile, I fought back. This is how I got a sailor’s mouth. Sorry mom. But once I had given up and was just wasting time, all I could do was laugh. Or rather, try to keep from laughing. The things people convince themselves of is just so ridiculous.

I mean, I get that you’re insecure and couldn’t handle me having a guy for a friend. I get that you wove this theory into your head and convinced yourself that when I didn’t answer your 20 phones calls a day that I was fucking someone else. (No… that’s called someone having a life and a job/school and whatnot). I understand that you never had to grow up and take care of yourself because your mom did everything for you. And I know I was supposed to take over. What I don’t understand is how you can treat someone like they’re nothing, do some of the most horrible things a person could do, put in zero effort, turn someone into a person they don’t recognize anymore, call someone every name in the book, beg them to stay with you, even though you fight everyday, make them hate you, and still think proposing is a good idea. Are you kidding me? And then to tell me, three years later, that I lost the BEST guy I’ll ever have??? Excuse me? I may have been out of the dating scene for awhile, but I don’t think “love” is supposed to be like that. Maybe I’ll wind up a crazy cat lady, an old spinster, but at least I’ll never be with a jealousstupidcrazyfuckingasshole like that again. And at least my 15 cats won’t be such dumbasses.

This whole experience has thought me several things, both over the course of the past few years and also some new ones just today:

1) Don’t stay with someone for 2 years longer than you should. Things don’t turn out so well. Or rather, don’t be with someone at all if your whole heart isn’t in it. It’s not fair to either person.

2) If someone seems a little douchey early on, he’s a douche. Run away.

3) Jealousy is the dumbest thing in the entire world. Well, small jealousy can show someone cares. But overwhelming, all-powering jealousy is ridiculous. Seriously, if I was into girls too would you freak out every time one of my female friends texted me or we hung out? I don’t think so!

4) Being alone is 1,000,000 times better than dating an asshole.

5) If an ex wants to talk after 3 years, just ignore him.

akjlghadlkjghakjehgklajhsgfkjdzfbgilwheirtluwhfkjbdjlabaldfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, rant over. Sorry all.