some things never change

I just read back something I wrote after the first of the year…. basically recapping how my 2010 was so ridiculous and how I wanted 2011 to be different. 2011 was going to be my year. Well, so far, nothing has changed. My 2011 has been just as ridiculous as 2010 was. I started out 2011 intent on making some major changes, but as that usually goes, things never panned out. I started the year just getting over mono, which knocked me out basically from August-December, definitely a fun time. My punishment for doing something I shouldn’t. Fucking karma. I spent New Year’s Eve alone (besides Chet, of course), because the weather ruined any driving plans I had, and because I agreed to meet someone to give them keys to their apartment on Jan 1st (lesson learned). January 1st marked the one year anniversary of me living in Winona, so that just made me weepy and sad, thinking of how I missed all my friends and how much of a shit show 2010 was. Needless to say, I started 2011 in a downer mood. The night of January 1st was my way to get all the icky feelings out, and I made the best of it, blacking out for the first time. A great way to welcome the new year, if you ask me. I spent the first few months of the year in a crap mood, stressed to the max from school and life in general. I got sick again. And then once I got over it, I got sick again. Most recently, I got tonsillitis, then got sick from the antibiotics they gave me to help it, then once I stopped those, 2 days later I got the worst sunburn of my life. That is the way things have gone for me this year. Fuuuuuuuck. Even if 2011 hasn’t exactly been “my year” as I wanted it to be, I can’t say that’s it’s been all that bad. I met some amazing new people that I’m so glad are a part of my life. I closed several chapters of my life that I’d been holding onto, as well as completely erasing someone who just couldn’t let go, even though I had years ago. This year brought so much happiness into the lives of my friends and family, as many got engaged or welcomed new little ones into their lives. I became an aunt this year, something that makes me so happy. Yes, I’ve made bad decisions. Yes, I’ve had too much fun sometimes. Yes, I realize that compared to others my age, I’m maybe not where I should be. BUT, I’m happy where I am and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Someday I’ll grow up and make better choices and want what other people want, but for now, I just wanna have fun. Maybe things this year haven’t exactly gone my way, but I’ll take the messy. Who knows, maybe 2012 will be my year.

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