12/30 – Typical Day

Question 12: Describe a typical day in your current life.

Be prepared to be thrilled…my life is preeeetttty exciting.

5:15am-5:30am: Wake up

5:30ish-5:45ish: Shower

5:50-6:05: Eat breakfast

6:05-6:45: Get ready for work, make lunch.

6:45-7:00: Drive to work

7:00am-3:00pm: Work

3:15-3:30: Talk to mom, visit with Addison, let Sawyer out and play a little

3:30-4:30: Treadmill

4:30-4:45: Clean up

5:00ish: Start making supper, play with Addison/Sawyer, visit with Kim when she comes to get Addison

5:30-Rest of night: Eat dinner, hang out with Mitch, watch some t.v., write blogs, waste time online, play with Sawyer

9:00-9:15: Go to bed

 

 

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11/30 – Pet Peeves

Question 11: Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

1. Rude people

2. People who are intolerant of anyone different from them/things they don’t agree with

3. Bad grammar/spelling

4. When people leave their garbage sitting around instead of throwing it away right away

5. People who expect others to do everything for them

6. Waiting in line. (Anywhere, I just hate it)

7. Being late. (or waiting for people who are late)

8. Open cupboards

9. Disrespectful people

10. Bad drivers

10/30 – Most Embarrassing Moment

Question 10: Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I really don’t get embarrassed that easily, so I’m not quite sure how to answer this one.

When I was younger, I used to pass out a lot. Starting when I was 6 or so, I would pass out about once a year until I was a sophomore in high school. Unfortunately, this always seemed to happen when I was at school. I can’t really say that I felt “embarrassed” but it just got old. Eventually I was able to tell when it was coming and could usually stop it, or at least get my head down so I wasn’t falling out of my chair or something anymore.

A more recent event was just last year. I was heading back to Winona after my grandpa’s funeral and stopped at Festival in Eau Claire for a few things. I was in the store for probably ten minutes before a lady came up to me and said that my dress was up in the back. I had been wearing a silky dress, and it got static cling when I got out of my car. Turns out I had been flashing my ass to everyone on the way into the store, and walking around for awhile before the lady told me. Luckily I had tights on, so that helped a bit, but not that much.

9/30 – Influential People

Question 9: List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

1. Miss Addison – I feel like I talk about her a lot, but I quite enjoy her. She was the first baby I was around for an extended period of time, and she taught me that I could handle being around kids without “breaking” them. It’s also enjoyable to be around a kid, have some fun, and when she gets annoying, she can go home.

2. My parents – Obviously I am who I am today partially due to my parents. I think I turned out ok, so they must have done something right.

3. JM – This person influenced me in a highly negative way, but I also am who I am because of his presence in my life. I am probably stronger for having been through it, but I’d be lying if I said I’m glad it happened because I learned a lot. I wish it never happened. BUT, I can accept that it happened for a reason and that I’m better off for it.

4. Ryan – Ryan has been the closest friend I’ve had, for the longest period of time. If that makes sense. There have definitely been some ups and downs in our relationship over the past 10+ years, but I think it’s an accomplishment to even still be talking after all those years. He was there for me through so many things, I can’t imagine my adolescence without him.

5. My grandma – My grandma is awesome. I don’t know how else to put it, because that’s the truth. She was the first person in my family to go to college, at a time when most people (especially women) didn’t. She became a teacher, the first in a long line of teachers in my family. At 88, she’s still spunky and fairly youthful. I especially enjoy seeing how she lights up when she’s around her great-grandkids.

6. Mitch – He showed me that I can be, and deserve to be, happy. He brought out parts of me that I didn’t think existed anymore, and he made me feel things I hadn’t in so long. I’m a very, very lucky girl to have him in my life. ❤

 7. My bros – Scott, Josh, and Charlie showed me how to have fun, after not having much fun for a long, long time. Josh and Scott were basically the first friends I had in Winona, back when I was lonely and hating it. They helped me make it feel like home, and we had many fun times together. Maybe a little toooooo much fun sometimes, but hey, that’s ok. Besides the fun, they’re very good at chasing away creepers, texting people as me, making creepers jealous, and rocking the dance floor. These guys have become very special to me and I know they would have my back if I ever needed anyone “buried.”

8. My ladies – Kristina, Shannon, and Courtney helped keep me sane while I was getting my Master’s Degree. We also maybe had a little too much fun, and my liver may never fully recover, but we had fun. Aside from the fun, these three ladies are three of the best friends I could have. We’ve all had some heart-to-hearts over the last couple years, and I’m so thankful to have met all of them.

9. More of my ladies – Marisa, Missy, and Liz. Three of the very best friends I have. I know I can always go to these ladies for advice when I’m lost, a shoulder when I’m sad, and an unjudging ear when I’m being stupid. I can trust them with my secrets and know they’ll stand by me. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

10. Michelle and Tom – Last but not least, Michelle and Tom. Michelle has been one of my closest friends for a long time, and I’m very happy to say her husband Tom is one of my friends too. When I first met him, I was pretty nervous. Of course you want to like your friend’s boyfriend…but we clicked right away. I appreciate Tom for coming along on Water St when we wanted to go out and for always being a trouper, even if it wasn’t really his scene. They are an amazing couple who is always laughing together.

Whew! This was tougher than I thought – ten is a lot!

8/30 – 5 Passions

Question 8: What are 5 passions you have?

– Helping people. This is something I’ve been passionate about for most of my life. I tend to do whatever I can to help others who are struggling.

– Documenting my life through photos and writing. I’ve always kept a journal of some sort, and even now I find that it’s fun (and hilarious) to look back. When I was younger I mostly just wrote about school and boys, and that’s changed quite a bit. But I still think it will be interesting to look back in 20 years and see what I was concerned about when I was in my teens, 20s, 30s, etc. I also love photographs and have books and books filled with pictures.

– Music. I have no real music talent myself, but I love how there is music for absolutely every mood. Additionally, I love how certain songs can hold memories, and even hearing the song years later can bring back those memories. This has happened to me a couple of times, and it’s incredibly powerful.

– Equality. I’ve never understood why some people “decide” that one certain group is superior to another. In my mind, everyone deserves equal opportunities, equal rights, and equal respect.

– Respect. This goes hand in hand with equality, but I believe all people deserve to be treated with the same level of respect.

7/30 – Dream Job

Question 7: What is your dream job, and why?

If money didn’t matter, my dream job would be to own a bar/restaurant. I know they are usually super unsuccessful and just a money pit, but I think I could do it right, especially cause I can’t seem to drink anymore. My place would be awesome too. It would be a combination of all the good aspects of the bars I like: big bar area, a huge selection of booze, room for dancing, room for sitting, a space for live music (indoor and/or outdoor), birthday giveaways, and lots of specials. As for food, it would have mainly pub-type food, nothing fancy. Basically all the greesy-bad-for-you food that everyone wants to eat when they’re getting boozed up. But, it would be delicious, and hopefully not too unhealthy. I’d want a larger space, so people who want to sit and eat aren’t annoyed by dancing music. I know that’s maybe a silly dream job, but I think it would be a lot of fun.

6/30 – what doesn’t kill you…

Question 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I’ve been avoiding this question all week. I knew instantly what the honest answer was, but debated whether or not I actually wanted to write about that or not. I tried to come up with a second most difficult thing I’ve been through, but couldn’t really come up with anything. Basically everything difficult I’ve experienced stems from one thing. And I realized that if I am going to help girls avoid situations like mine, I better learn to talk about it. Because up until this point, there are very few people who know about this.

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was an abusive/unhealthy relationship, and the lingering effects that followed. I think the worst part was actually the years that followed. But let’s start at the beginning. At first, I didn’t even want to go out with him. “So why did you?” Well, I was sick of waiting for the person I wanted, and I figured why the hell not. At least I should give him a chance. Well, that chance turned into about 3 years, about 2 1/2 of which I didn’t want to be there. At first, things were fine. I even started to really like him after we started going out. For months, things were fine. I guess it first started with jealousy. My best friend was a guy, which wasn’t ok. The jealousy started to get out of control, sort of the “you better not talk to him” type of thing. Being young and stupid, I just did what he said. As things progressed, the major arguments started. Mostly stemming around jealousy, all over the same person. He’d check my phone, start horrible arguments, physically stop me from leaving, cry all the time, push me, tell me it was my fault he was so sad, constantly call or text me to see what I was doing/who I was with, etc. It would eventually turn into him forcing me to do things I didn’t want to. No additional details on that one. He became consumed with this idea that I was cheating on him, even when I wasn’t. I sometimes would wish so hard that I had, just so I could agree and be done with it.

While all this was going on, I got horrible headaches. Mostly tension headaches, but some were debilitating. The kind of headaches where you just have to lay in bed and cry because doing anything else hurts too much. After we finally broke up, things didn’t really change. He wasn’t around me anymore, so the immediate aspects stopped obviously, but the jealously and emotional/verbal abuse continued. Three years after we broke up, he still went off on me about how I’m a home wrecker and a whore and on and on and on. Three years later!

That was a very summarized version of what happened during. As I said earlier, the hardest part was after. Immediately after, it was dealing with everyone’s questions about why we broke up. “Oh my gosh, what happened?” “I’m so sorry!” “No way, I thought you two would get married for sure!” are some of the worst things a person can hear. Also, having to hear about what a great guy he is. Losing some of my “friends” because they believed everything he said about me. For the record, I didn’t cheat. It was so hard during those first few months, and even now, to bite my tongue and not let everyone in on the truth. If people knew what really happened, they’d have different opinions. But that’s besides the point.

I wasn’t able to date anyone seriously for about 3 1/2 years. I wasn’t even able to develop real feelings for anyone for almost 3 years. Everything felt fake, and I guess on some level it was for me. I was broken and couldn’t seem to fix myself. On the rare instances that I’d run into him, he’d pretend that we were best friends and come up and talk to me, put his arm around me. I’d literally shake in anger and have to leave. All I wanted to do was punch him for touching me. It took me a long time to even be able to be alone with a guy without having a mini, internal panic attack. I wasn’t able to enjoy things that I used to. Basically the only way I could get close to someone was if I was drunk. I had a few mid-life crises. Drank a lot. Did a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have. I can’t really say that it helped much, but it helped me to forget for awhile anyway. Basically I tried to ignore it. Eventually I learned that if I ever wanted a meaningful relationship, or to help anyone else in my professional life, I would need to get my shit together. I still have freak outs every once and awhile, but I’m dealing.

I want to use this experience to teach teenagers about dating violence. I think a lot of young girls think something is normal when it’s not. Jealously isn’t cute and a sign that someone cares, it’s a warning sign. I realize not everything escalates into other forms of abuse, but it can, and people need to know that. It took a long time for me to admit this was an “abusive” situation, and I still haven’t been able to give names (out loud) to some of the aspects, but maybe in the future I will be able to.

So anyway, a long answer to a short question. Since this was kind of a downer, I’ll throw some Kelly Clarkson on the end, as per my post title. 🙂

Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)