18/30 – Forgiveness…is more than saying sorry…

Ten points to whoever can name that movie!

Question 18: What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

This should coincide with the hardest thing I’ve been through…but I don’t think there is any forgiveness involved there. All other things I’ve forgiven don’t seem large enough to warrant the “most difficult thing” title. Two things come to mind that might fit the bill.

The first relates to about 10 years of little things all built up. The constant push and pull of a relationship, hurtful words, confusing actions, ups and downs. I can’t say that I’m not to blame, because I actively participated, but I think I got the short end of the stick with most of it. I forgave being cheated on, being lied to, being taken advantage of, being jerked around, etc. Things turned out in the end, and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

The second is the forgiveness I had to allow for myself. I made a lot of mistakes during my mid-life crisis, from about mid-way through 21 to the first half of 23. I did a lot of stupid stuff, treated myself poorly, hurt others (mostly without their knowledge), beat up my body, and ignored a lot of things I should have been dealing with. Don’t get me wrong, I also had a lot of fun, but it was mostly reckless. I’ve been dealing with the repercussions, and had to forgive myself for the silly things I did back then.

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