unpredictable life

I’ve had a weird week. The start of last weekend was awesome…I got to visit friends, get a bit tipsy, which is something I haven’t done in a long time, and laugh more than I have in I can’t even remember how long. It was one of those nights where it seemed like everything came together, and all my “people” were in the same place. Everything was hilarious. Everything was fun. No one got cranky. Everyone was in a good mood. It just rocked. It reminded me of all the good things I liked about living there, and gave me some good memories of the ones I miss now that I’m gone.

On the ride home, I got an allergy attack, which then turned into a cold/allergy mixture that sort of knocked me out for the beginning of the week. Waking up at 5:15 sucks much more when you don’t feel good, in case you were wondering. I was already spending the beginning of the week sorting through feelings related to the weekend. No surprise, I’m sort of in the middle of (another) mid-life crisis. Trying to figure out my future yet again.

Then, on Thursday, I got some unpleasant news about someone I care about. Awhile back, he had cancer and went through surgery and treatment, and it seemed like things were looking up. Turns out, they’re not. It’s back, and it’s not looking good. This person is one of those guys that just puts off the image of being invincible to me. He’s one of the toughest guys I know, and it doesn’t seem real that something like this is happening. Even though he’s not one of my best friends or anything, this news has been tough for me to sort through. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t seem like anything bad should ever happen to him, or maybe it’s because of the mid-life crisis stuff, but whatever it is, I’m having a difficult time processing it. 

It’s reminded me, yet again, that life is short. Everything could be gone in an instant, and I need to continually be mindful of that. I’ve been trying to figure out what makes me happy, and where I need to be to make sure that I’m doing what I really want to do with my life. The news I got this week has just amplified that for me – there’s a renewed sense of urgency in figuring out my future. I want to be doing what makes me happy, and I want to be continually surrounded by the people who make me happy, because I never know when something is going to happen to change all of that. 

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