Sometimes I feel like my life is never going to settle down, and as someone who has major future anxiety, that is difficult to handle. I’ve basically been waiting for the time I’m done with school, get a job I intend to stay at forever, and can buy a house since I was 20. I’m sure that’s because I’ve “rushed” through so much of my life. I finished college way earlier than most people, and then finished my Master’s at an early age. Now I will likely be going back for more school in the fall. It always seems like things happen at the worst time. Why couldn’t I have decided what I wanted to do with my life 3 years ago and saved myself all this extra time? It’s frustrating, but I guess it’s better to figure that all out when I’m 24, as opposed to 40, 50, 60.
I made the decision last week to put my notice in at work. I suppose I had actually made the decision not to stay months ago, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. I will be leaving here in about two months, and I don’t know where I’ll be going, where I’ll be living, or what I’ll be doing. It’s all variable based on how a job application turns out, unless I can decide what option would lead to be pursuing my true passion. (Maybe I know the answer to that but I’m scared to admit it).
Moving again also means that I’ll be farther away from many of the people I care about. These last few months have been pretty nice, especially being able to see my niece almost everyday. It’s so fun to watch her change and grow, and to actually be a part of her life. She knows who I am and she likes to have me around too (or at least it seems that way). I suppose she is at the age now where she won’t forget about me if she only sees me once a month. My new nephew, who was just born last weekend, won’t know me like Addison does, and that makes me a little sad. Maybe I’ll just have to teach them how to Skype.
I know that this career change/move is what will be best for me in the long run, so I’m trying not to get too worked up about it. I felt so guilty telling work that I would be leaving, because we’re in a big transition process and I didn’t want to screw up any momentum. But I realized, at the urging of others, that I need to think about me. It’s my life and my future, so I need to be in charge of it.