future worries

I’m finally getting back on track with these questions after packing, moving, unpacking and spending some time having fun. I feel like I’ve probably answered this question in one way or another about a million and a half times already, but I’ll give it another go. My answer probably changes each time anyway.

What worries you most about the future?

I’ve said before that I have a difficult time picturing my future, so this question is a little hard to answer, because I have no image of what my life will be like. But, I can say with certainty that I am worried I will be unhappy, and that I’ll always be second guessing what I want to do with my life. I think I have finally figured it out, but I’ve thought that before and then a couple months (or years) later, I change my mind. I’m worried I will just have mid-life crisis after mid-like crisis until I’ve spent my entire life in school and am too exhausted to even find a job. I am pretty sure that I do want to be a school counselor, and I will be pursuing that, but I just fear that after awhile I will start thinking of something else. The up side is that I’m not very good at much so my options are limited. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have lots of marketable skills or artistic talents when it comes to choosing a path. 

I’m also worried that I’ll end up having to take care of kids by myself. I’m not sure that I want children at all, but I’m afraid that if I do have kids, I’ll end up a single parent. That’s irrational, I know. I also know that if it came down to it, I would be able to handle it. But I don’t want to. I would want someone there to change a diaper when I’m trying to cook dinner, or do dishes while I read a the kid a book, or just have another adult to talk to. I know it’s a silly fear, but I can’t seem to shake it. 

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