Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.
I’ve been thinking about this question since I first saw this 30 Day Challenge. Wondering how I would answer it….trying to justify a way to avoid it, but a few days ago I finally figured out how to tackle it.
In my dating life so far, there have been a couple people I envisioned my future with. I could seriously get an image of what our Sundays would be like once we were older (or OLD at 25 like I am now…) I could just see these lives and they actually seemed like they would be pretty great. And then BOOM, the universe tells me I’m wrong. Nope, that’s not going to happen, move on. And so I do… but those experiences, and others in my life, have finally showed me (at 25) what I want, and what I deserve, in a partner.
The person I marry will above all need to be my friend. He needs to care about me, respect me, and actually like who I am as a person. He needs to be someone that I can spend hours talking to without running out of things to say. He needs to know (actually KNOW) who I am as a person and accept that. He will know about my past and about my mistakes and not be consumed by them or afraid of it. He will realize that some things are difficult for me, and probably always will be, and that it has nothing to do with him. He will understand that I need space sometimes and will give it to me without turning it into a huge ordeal. He will have a life outside of me that doesn’t revolve around me – he’ll have his friends, have his “bro nights” while I have my “girls nights” and that will be completely fine. We will trust each other and be confident in knowing that we love and trust one another. He won’t be crazy jealous and constantly wonder or worry about what I’m doing or who I’m with when he can’t reach me for 5 minutes.
The person I marry will be my partner and teammate. He will be happy for my success and strive for his own. He will have goals and dreams and work hard to achieve them. He will challenge me intellectually, emotionally, and physically. He’ll work with me to get the things we want. If we have children, he’ll be an active dad. He won’t expect me to do everything, and he will happily share in the household duties. He will love his children and make sure they know it. The man I marry will not adhere to or believe in strict gender roles. He won’t expect me to be in the kitchen and raise the children while he sits back and earns the money. He’ll strive for and believe in equality.
He will realize that I’m an independent woman who is used to talking care of herself. He won’t be intimidated by that. He will know how to take care of himself but will appreciate it when I take care of him too. He will appreciate it, but not expect or rely on it. He will have his shit together enough to know what he wants out of life and know how to get it if he isn’t already there.
The man I marry will be kind and will care about others. He will go out of his way to help those around him and to treat people with respect.
He will make me laugh. So much. He won’t take life too seriously, but will know when he needs to be serious. He’ll make me laugh over stupid stuff, when we’re fighting and need to cool down, and when I’m being too serious and uptight. Knowing this won’t put pressure on him because he will know all the ways to make my laugh anyway.
The man I marry will not be a jealous person. If he was, we would not have gotten to the marriage stage. He will realize that I do not discriminate when it comes to the sex of my friends. He will trust in my feelings and will know that he is the only person for me.
He will be honest and not lie to me. He will know that even small lies are lies, and avoid those too. He will be confident enough in our relationship that he can tell me the things he’s tempted to lie about. He will know me well enough to know that I would listen to what he has to say and not jump to conclusions, and that I would appreciate honesty above all else, even if I don’t like the truth.
He will be open minded and willing to try new things. (I’m not being a perv here, I swear). 🙂 He will be open to different cultures, traditions, values, etc and will give anything a fair shot. If there’s something he doesn’t agree with, he will at least be respectful to those who do. However, he will not be racist, homophobic, or sexist.
The man I marry will not afraid to be an idiot with me and make an ass out of himself sometimes. He will be perfectly fine with being silly and acting like a fool every once and awhile. He won’t be afraid to dance with me, even if no one else is. He will accept that I get drunk on the occasional week night and talk too much and say stupid shit. He’ll know that is just my form of stress relief sometimes.
He will appreciate, and have damn good taste in, music. I will not be stuck listening to dubstep for the rest of my life. All I’m gonna say there. Oh, and for others reading this – the music at our wedding will be phenomenal because I (we) will be choosing it. You’re welcome, in advance.
This may be a no brainer, but in my life, it deserves its own paragraph. He will want me, and only me. There will be no ex that he’s still hung up on, no “one who got away”, no person he just can’t break up with before he can be with me. When he meets me, he’ll know. I won’t be his second (or third, or forth) choice, while he tries to tell me I’m his first. I will be his only.
The man I marry won’t intentionally hurt me. He won’t treat me like his property or a piece of shit. We may not always get along and we will probably fight, but there is a line that he won’t cross. He won’t be abusive to me in any way.
And finally, the man I marry will know I love him and he will trust that. He won’t question my feelings or feel like he doesn’t deserve me. He will know he’s awesome and he’ll know why I love him. He won’t doubt himself or worry that my feelings are gone just because we have an off day or because I need some space for a day.
Maybe this person doesn’t exist, but I have faith he does.