Daily Prompt: Express Yourself

Tell us about a time you couldn’t quite get your words or images to express what you wanted to express. What do you think the barrier was? For bonus points, try again.

I think the shorter answer to this question would be to tell you about a time when I was able to accurately express what I wanted to with my words. Ugh. I’m horrible with words. I guess I should rephrase that: I’m horrible at talking about my feelings. I can talk for days about logic, facts, school, boring life junk, but when it comes to discussing how I’m actually feeling, I freeze up. Worse than that, I can’t seem to discuss my feelings with crying, even if it’s something that doesn’t warrant tears. I have no idea why this happens, but it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I can write and write about what I’m feeling and have no problems expressing myself, but if I’m face to face with a person, or even talking on the phone, I start to choke up and can’t manage to get anything out. It’s a major problem. Not to mention annoying and embarrassing. 

I’ve grown some balls lately, so this has gotten better over the past few months, luckily. 

 

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don’t tell me what to do

I hate being told what to do. Even worse than that, I hate being told what not to do. If you tell me not to do something, chances are it will just make me want to do it more, just to prove that I can. Take, for example, the Beardman Incident of 2010. That wasn’t pretty, and I feel like I could do without that story in my life, but someone told me not to talk to him, so of course I had to do it anyway. 

This past weekend, I was told by someone that essentially I needed his permission to go somewhere. He says he was joking, but kidding or not, I find it incredibly annoying. Especially because this person has no role in, or influence over any aspect of, my life. All I could do was say that he couldn’t tell me what to do and walk away before I lost it. I was drunk and had a bad week so I really wasn’t in the mood. Maybe I’m just a bitch, but I don’t think acting like that is ever okay. It might be because I’ve spent years listening to people tell me where I can go, who I can talk to, who I can be friends with, etc. But I like to think even if I didn’t have that in my history, I would still think it is dumb as hell, because it is. 

I have never really been able to understand why people think it’s important to have control over someone else. I like being with people who have their own lives and can respect that I do too. I wouldn’t want someone following me around all the time or checking with me before every thing they do. My high school/college boyfriend did that and it was obnoxious. It was all I could do to not scream, “Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care!” When I would tell him to hang out with his friends, for example, he’d constantly tell me that I really didn’t mean it and that I was so mad at him about it, and then he would end up not going. Seriously, have a life. I.do.not.care. Maybe that’s why marriage freaks me out a little – constantly being in someone’s space all the time. *Shiver*

The funniest part of my weekend story is the reasonings behind why this person and I are no longer talking. Basically related to no trust, accusations, jealousy, immaturity, and different goals. Needless to say, trying to boss me around did not help things one bit. It is now apparently clear that we can’t even run into each other anymore.  

Moral of the story: don’t be a douche. If you must, prepare to be yelled at or punched in the face.