After years, you try to talk to me again.
As soon as I see the message notification, my anxiety sky-rockets.
I get shaky and can’t relax.
You say you’re sorry and want to catch up.
You want my forgiveness.
I don’t respond.
I have nothing to say.
After a month, you try again.
Two messages this time.
Please will I give you a chance to apologize.
Let you make things right.
Now I’m just annoyed.
I didn’t respond for a reason.
Figure it out.
These are the things I want to say to you:
“I am not interested in hearing anything you have to say. I don’t want to catch up or have you know anything about my life, nor do I care about anything that’s going on with you. There is no part of me that wants to talk to you or even have to think about you. I didn’t respond to your first message for a reason. Please leave me alone and don’t try to contact me again.”
But I won’t say any of these.
Because for some reason,
I’m still worried about being a bitch.
And I hate that.