what i should say

After years, you try to talk to me again.

As soon as I see the message notification, my anxiety sky-rockets.

I get shaky and can’t relax.

 

You say you’re sorry and want to catch up. 

You want my forgiveness.

I don’t respond.

I have nothing to say.

After a month, you try again.

Two messages this time.

Please will I give you a chance to apologize.

Let you make things right.

Now I’m just annoyed. 

I didn’t respond for a reason.

Figure it out.

These are the things I want to say to you:

“I am not interested in hearing anything you have to say. I don’t want to catch up or have you know anything about my life, nor do I care about anything that’s going on with you. There is no part of me that wants to talk to you or even have to think about you. I didn’t respond to your first message for a reason. Please leave me alone and don’t try to contact me again.” 

But I won’t say any of these.

Because for some reason,

I’m still worried about being a bitch.

And I hate that.

 

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