changes

Continuing on with the “40 Deep Questions to Ask if You Really Want to Get to Know Someone” from Thought Catalog.

#2 – What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?

If I could change anything about myself, I’d want to be more assertive. It’s something I’ve tried to work on for several years but don’t ever seem to get any better at. I often times keep things in my head that I wish I would just say, I say yes when I really want to say no, and sometimes I’m a bit of a pushover. I’ve always been a people pleaser, but sometime in the last 10ish years I’ve become more introverted, reserved, and less assertive. It’s something I’ll continue to work on and hopefully one day I’ll get better.

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let’s go a little deeper

I’ve decided to abandon the writing prompt I was using. I got bored with it and it feels like things I’ve done before. The whole idea behind this blog was not only to have a place to express my feelings, which I’ve always done so much better in writing, but also a place to cultivate my creativity. I might not be creative in many other ways, but writing has always been an outlet for me. When my stupid voice won’t say what I want it to say, my writing always could. Last weekend I stumbled upon a letter I’d written several years ago when I felt like I was really at my peak trying to be creative. I was doing a lot of writing and photography then, and I’m sad I’ve gone away from that. The sources that pushed me to explore that part of myself are no longer present in my life, so I sort of lost that part of me, but I have since been energized to try again.

Since most of the ramblings that come into my head are probably things that no one wants to hear, I’m going off another list, but this is one that will take me deeper. I found it on Thought Catalog and thought it might be worth a shot. It is titled “40 Deep Questions to Ask if You Really Want to Get to Know Someone.” So after all this, I should not only know myself better, but so should everyone who reads this silly thing.

  1. What’s your philosophy in life?

I wasn’t quite sure how to go about answering this question, which isn’t a good sign since it’s the first one. I thought it might just be easier to say some things I believe. I believe that things happen for reason, even if it takes years to understand that reason, or it’s not the reason you want. Things work out the way they’re supposed to. I tend to believe that’s a God thing. Not that I have no control over what happens in my life, but the choices I make are guided and serve a purpose. I believe in helping others and being a decent human being. It’s not hard to think about others before you think about yourself. Sometimes I try harder than I should and I personally struggle because of that, but I’d still rather be that way than be an asshole all the time. I think life is better because of music, dancing, and laughter. Some of the happiest memories I have involve a jukebox, dancing, and laughing with people I care about. I am a big supporter of birthdays. I’ve always loved my birthday; it was really the only holiday I liked for a long time. It was the one day a year when I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, and I’ve had some great birthdays. Now that I’m getting older and don’t have any more milestone birthdays for awhile, I’ve gotten sort of lazy about it. But 28 is coming up soon so maybe I’ll have to do something special again. I also think that friendships are what make lives worth it. I’ve unfortunately moved really far away from my closest friends and have been a crap friend in general for awhile. So I apologize for that and want to try to be better. To my new friends – I’m so thankful for you all!

I don’t know if this qualifies as a philosophy, but I’m sticking with it. There’s so much more I would add, but my battery is going to die so I’ll call it good for now.

bucket list

Day 9 – What’s on your life list/bucket list?

In no particular order….

  • Ride an elephant
  • Travel to: Seattle, Portland, Nashville, Ireland, South Africa, and go back to Switzerland
  • Go zip lining
  • Buy a home
  • Get married
  • Have a kid or two
  • Go to a drive-in movie
  • Learn to play guitar
  • Pay off my student loans
  • Learn how to be assertive
  • Own a cabin by the lake